Sam and I have made and edited so many plans for closing the distance over the last 14 months that I can’t start by saying ‘we had THIS plan, THAT was what we were doing, and now IT’s changed’, but regardless I had gotten used to the most recent developments and today was surprised by that all changing and the promise of closing the distance three months sooner!
To start, as my flat let with my friends finishes in May this year, and the process of buying a flat for us is already underway, we thought it would be great if Sam could move up in June, however some factors which I won’t go into led to that being changed to sometime in August, outwith our control. At the time that was a big let down, but obviously an idea that in the meantime we’ve both heavily gotten used to. Events today, however, led to Sam announcing on Skype that he can move up at the start of June! YAY!
I’m now sat in bed, alone to my thoughts ’cause Sam fell asleep just before the time we’d planned to Skype (fail!) and I have all the emotions right now, so I thought I’d form some kind of coherent post. This has always been the plan – keep going Long Distance until Sam can move up and in with me, but bringing the close closer means it has all just got a whole lot more real! (I mean, how far away does August seem!) If you’re in an LDR and considering making the move then I hope something I say here is of help – otherwise, enjoy the feels-fest!
Sam and I are unlike the university couples which surround me, who rent a flat together in term time then go off to their respective family homes for the long summer and winter breaks (and times in between). I’m at university in my home-town, and Sam works for a living, so we will be in our flat together 12 months out of the year. This means that I won’t spend university breaks with my family any more! I say that like that’s all I live for, when in reality last year I chose to spend most of the summer in my rented flat and found our two-week caravan escapades a bit TOO much of my family after all the separation. But there was still the choice! It’s weird feeling grown up in my family now – I have an elder brother who has moved city, so holiday times when he’s staying it’s nice to be there too and pretend we’re all still a big young family again and that we’re not all going our separate ways.
Time with Sam shall – after the next two or three visits – no longer be all-encompassing fests of relationship-ness where we stick together 24/7, eat together, shower together, live for eachother during that week or so that we get to spend together. Suddenly it will be all ‘I’m going out, see you later gorgeous’ and ‘I’m just going to play PS3 for a couple hours, then I’ll come through’. ahhhh! I think that will be a change which it will be hard to make register at first! That Sam doesn’t owe me all his attention whilst in my presence, and vice versa. I mean currently I can have legit conversations with him, such as ‘Hey Sam, next visit – I don’t mind if you bring your 2DS for when I’m writing my essays, but please the rest of the time can you leave it alone’, or know that my friends don’t mind if I share my time that week between watching movies and going out with Sam…and staying in and having sex with Sam, end of.
SKYPE!! It’s been like my constant friend (and bitter enemy when it chooses the worst times to play up – Sidenote: Every time is the worst time) for over a year! A year and a half by the time we move in together! It will be SO WEIRD never talking to eachother over a computer screen! First world problems, eh. Obviously it will be better because you can’t reaaally be there on Skype, but it is a constant which I’m used to. I shall have to take the next three months as an opportunity to take as many silly Skype screenshots as possible. I know it sounds weird stressing over this one, but I’m a nostalgic gal.
Living with friends will be a big thing to miss! Of course, I shall be living with my BEST friend, but the daily quirks of being in a noisy flat with all your uni pals is still something to pass a thought for. All the things which come with this too – getting free range of decoration schemes, being able to move around your furniture every two weeks because ‘it looks better this way’, impromptu life chats with your besties, getting to laugh at the more conservative of my flat mates freaking out whenever someone leaves the shower room in just a towel, being able to look like a slob all day then pop on lipstick or mascara just for Skype (#ldrSecrets), where not being in the kitchen is the only way to be out of the loop of your friends’ latest degree-change concerns, and not having to do aaalll the chores because a chore rota for five is fairer. This is a year of my life with friends which I will cherish for a long time, and not forget all of the hilarious fun we’ve had here.
I’m going to have to keep up to date with the waxing/shaving. Damn
Sam may not be as happy as I am to live on homemade leek/potato/courgette/stockcube soup.. for two weeks.. for every meal.
Really, it’s just going to be different. (A very much good different). I won’t sit in my bed with the Plain White T’s ‘Hey There Delilah’ on repeat, thinking melancholy thoughts about the distance between me and my beau. I won’t spend hours searching Etsy for long-distance-relationship products (only to scowl about how 80% is state-to-state aimed for all them Yanks). I won’t have a turbulent relationship with poor-working technology – a current constant – at least, not for those reasons. I won’t prepare for special visits, where I plan out the situation of arrival – down to the rose-petal covered bed (a bit awkward for when you actually want to get on the bed without little bits of dry rose petal sticking to you or making a huge mess on the floor when you actually try it). I won’t pine away for 2-3 months between seeing him. There won’t be days that I don’t get to hear his voice or see his face. I might have to change the name of this blog. Those arguments which arise more from the fact you’re arguing on Facebook chat and sending passive aggressive replies without kisses, or forget who you’re arguing with because you’re just responding to a heated message will be replaced by real face-to-face ones. I won’t cry so much – not to properly bring up that issue, but many a tissue is soaked for a long distance thing! I won’t be alone on the dance floor, or walking home late from the library, or in bed at night.
The thing about long distance is that you’re constantly feeling a loss. There’s always something not there, it’s not like you wouldn’t want them with you at that moment if you could engineer it that way. We’ve had so many hard times, so many times when the going gets so tough that it can seem overwhelming, and as one of my close friends likes to chant at me whenever I query things ‘You deserve it’. I agree. It will be 21 months since we had met when we finally close the distance and set up a fresh chapter of our life together. 21 months that really I wouldn’t swap for anything. I’m so proud of us, for what we achieve and what we cherish as a result, how even the act of seeing eachother can be so emotional and euphoric and sensual and really every kind of feeling! How many couples get to know eachother the way we did. Our love story is a journey which has had so much thrown at it and survived, with an ever-promised HOPE of finally bringing a time when we don’t have to say goodbyes on a platform and walk home alone.
Here’s to the next step when it comes *internet toast*
Kay that got quite emotional at the end there Lucy *emotional tears* – told you LDR’s bring tissue-soaking. Quite a full circle of a post if I say so myself. I love you Sam, enjoy waking up to this in your inbox!